Hope It Gives You Hell.

Lol, nobody reads my blog anymore. But that's ok. Maybe it's because I don't post a link on Facebook whenever I write a new post. Maybe I'll do that again. Or maybe not. I write because I like to, not because I think people should read what I've written.

I'm actually blogging right now because something is on my mind, and this is where I go to let it all out. The other day I heard the old song "Gives You Hell" by the All American Rejects, which everybody has heard. And some of the verses really hit home with me. This song totally reminded me of a relationship I was in for about 2 years, that ended in January. It was one of those super annoying off and on relationships that everybody hates. Most of the time, I'm the one who broke up with him. You'd think that I'd learn after the first few times. But, I was stupid, and he was my first love, or whatever you want to call it. But each time we got back together, the break ups kept getting worse and worse. It resulted in a lot of lies (not on my part) and drama. And because of all that, we didn't end on good terms. I don't talk to this guy, and I'd be perfectly content if I never had to see him again. We aren't even Facebook friends. And that's just fine with me.

"Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself,
Yeah where did it all go wrong?
But this list goes on and on."

If I were to talk to him, this all I'd have to say to him...
I hate that you made me feel bad about things I shouldn't have felt bad about, like hanging out with friends when you didn't have plans. Like God forbid I hang out with somebody that wasn't you. And lying about serious issues, things that are a really big deal to some people, to get me to feel bad and take you back. You lied about sleeping with people. I don't even know what else you lied about. You never took me out unless I paid for BOTH of us, even though your family is clearly more well off than mine. I mean, your mom has an effing Camero, and you and your brother both got brand new cars for graduation. You guys have 2 different houses and go on cruises. On the other hand, my family has ONE car that's old and barely holding up, a small house with old furniture that doesn't match, and we don't even have a working dishwasher. Yet my family paid for everything. We even offered to give you gas money for when you'd come over, because you'd always complain about how coming over was a waste of gas, in your stupid new car that has great gas mileage. POOR YOU. Oh, and you hated the fact that most of my friends are guys. You'd throw a fit when I wanted to hang out with them. Because apparently, you couldn't trust me. You didn't seem to realize that even if they liked me, or made a move on me, I'd set them straight and let them know that I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in anything but friendship. You'd get pissy with me when I didn't text you back right away, which is super hypocritical, considering you'd take forever to text me back a lot of the time. Oh, and I'm sorry, but you were kind of a WHINEY BITCH. It's great when guys are sensitive, but not when they're overly-emotional. I mean, sometime you were worse than a mestruating female. I'M supposed to be the girl. Not you. Plus, our religious views are totally opposite. I thinks it's fine when people are strong set in their religious beliefs. But there were too many things that clashed between us when it came to religion. And I can't stand when people are as close-minded and unaccepting as you are towards people who believe other things. Plus you were way too self-concious, no matter what I told you. You refused to listen. You were SO stubborn. And you just gave off this vibe, like you think you're better than everyone. I have so many more things I could say, but I don't want to be too mean. The fact of the matter is, I'm so glad I came to my senses and broke things off. There was no way I could have married you. I'm so much happier without you, it's unbelievable. I can actually hang out with my friends now. I can be vegetarian if I want (which I might) without having someone that's supposed to support me tell me that it's stupid. I can dance with any guy that I want, and go to parties without getting your permission, and having you there to supervise me. Oh, and by the way...next time you ask a girl to marry her, get a ring. And don't ask her when you're having problems, just to try to keep her tied down. Oh, and don't ask her while you're watching Lord of the Rings on a tiny television in a college dorm room. That's totally lame.

"Now you'll never see what you've done to me.
You can take back your memories, they're no good to me.
And here's all your lies, you can look me in the eyes
With that sad, sad look that you wear so well.

When you see my face,
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell.
When you walk my way,
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell."

6.21.2012

So it's been a long time since I've posted. In that time, I've done a lot of thinking lately about my future. I'd be able to go to school an all that by working and with a lot of help from student loans and my parents. But, I've come to realize that at this point in time, school just isn't really my thing. So, looking at my other options, I've decided to join the military. I'm going to go Air Force. I'm not really sure what I'll do yet; I have to find out what I'm qualified to do before I figure that out.

Anyone who knows me and who is reading this right now is probably like "...what?" I'm sure nobody thought that I'd be the type of person to join the military. Honestly, I've never thought so, either. I've always said that I'd never make it in the military. But now, I feel like it's the right thing for me to do. I think that I really do have the strength to make it. The only concern that I have, is if I'm actually ready to grow up. I depend on my mom so much. And really, I'm not sure how to manage without her. I've come to realize that I'm actually a bit of a mama's girl. After basic training and tech school, I'd be living on my own. I won't have my parents with me, looking out for me. But I guess I have to grow up sooner or later.

I'm still waiting for a recruiter to get in touch with me. If someone doesn't call or email in a few days, I'm going to go ahead and call the recruiters myself. We'll just see, I guess.

I will be proud to serve my country. :)

On a completely different note, I'm completely obsessed with Justin Bieber. Yes, this is coming from the girl who is supposed to be growing up. But we all have our guilty pleasures. Haha. Anyway, he just came out with his new album, Believe, and I love it. He's definitely grown up since his "Baby, baby, baby" hair-flipping days. And, I'm one of the millions of girls who thinks he's extremely attractive. To be honest, I've dreamt about meeting him, like a lot. Haha. No shame. I'm a Belieber.

I was asked by my friend Anthony the other day what my type of guy was. At first, my answer was that I really don't know. But then, I realized that my type of guy is Justin Bieber. Haha just kidding. There's no way I could compete with Selena Gomez. But really, I wouldn't be able to date anyone famous. That would bring attention to myself, and I don't like being in the spotlight. I just want a normal guy. I love lists, so I'll make a list of what my perfect guy would be. I'll warn you now, I have high standards, and I doubt this perfect guy even exists.

The Perfect Guy:
-At least 5'10".
-Pretty blue or green eyes.
-Soft hair.
-Pretty teeth.
-Smells great.
-Nice arms.
-Has a good sense of humor.
-Easy to talk to.
-Loves animals and wants lots of cats.
-Vegetarian.
-No more than 3 years older than me.
-Sensitive, but not whiny or overly emotional.
-Not too clingy.
-Gives me space to hang with my friends, and he hangs with his.
-His views on religion are similar to mine.
-Someone I can trust.
-Can play guitar and sing and dance.
-Polite and respectful towards women.
-Has a good sense of style.
-In the Air Force, or is willing to move around with me when I'm stationed different places.
-Accepts my flaws, and doesn't make me overly aware of them.
-Can cook.
-Isn't a goody-good, and likes having a bit of fun sometimes.
-Would treat me to breakfast in bed occasionally. And of course I'd do the same for him.
-Good with kids.
-Doesn't make me feel inadequate or not good enough.
-Romantic, and maybe a little cheesy at times.
-A good listener.
-Doesn't try to make me feel bad about things that I shouldn't feel bad about.
-Loves amusement parks and roller coasters.
-Smart.
-Makes me feel safe.
-Easy to find gift for.
-Doesn't hate Justin Bieber or Ke$ha.
-Will watch baby shows with me. Like Arthur and Little Bear and Franklin.
-Gets along with my family.
-Tells me I"m beautiful. And actually believes it.
-Brings out the best in me.

I doubt this guy exists. But, if he does, maybe I'll get married someday. If not, oh well. I'm content with being single and having lots of kitties.

Well. I've been wanting to put a new blog up for quite a while. So here it is. I hope everyone has a great day, and something wonderful happens to you today. :)