Well then...I guess I'm supposed to be perfect. Idk. At least...I'm not allowed to doubt myself. And if I DO doubt myself and talk to someone about it...I'm just fishing for compliments. Awesome.
I can't help but doubt myself though. I've never been very confident in myself. Never. Not even when I was a litte kid. I'm still not. And lately, I've been questioning my ability to succeed in college and accomplish everything I've been dreaming of accomplishing for a while now. After the first half of this semester, I'm really not sure if I'll ever get accepted to dental school. And if I manage to make it through college and get my degree in biology, and finish the pre-dental track, and I DON'T get accepted into dental school...then what the hell did I even go through college for? Just to have lots of student loans to pay back, and a crappy job that doesn't make much money and that isn't what I want to do? Maybe I'm just not cut out for college. I just feel completely dumb. I mean...I know I'm somewhat smart. But I just FEEL dumb. And it sucks.
Yeah, I know applying for dental school is quite a while away. But it's really competitive. And honestly, there are a whole lot of people who are probably better suited to be a dentist than I am. Nobody would want to go to a dentist who just barely managed to keep her scholarships throughout college and who can't seem to pass a biology course to save her life.
Yet again, I'm being negative. I should really try to look on the bright side of things. Like...even if I don't get accepted to dental school, I could be a dental assistant. WOOHOO. That's JUST what I want to do.
Anyway. On a completely unrelated note, I am home for fall break. And my kitty is freaking adorable. I love her. :) I am going shopping this weekend. And to Boo at the Zoo, and I'm soooo excited! This break should be really good. Then back to school. Where I'm going to have no life anymore, whatsoever. Because I'm going to have to work my butt off to even pull a C in my biology class. Gah. Now back to the grade stuff. That's the LAST thing I want to think about right now. So I'm just going to bed.
"Goodnight, moon."
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
HELLO. MY NAME IS... Negative.
Today has been a crappy day. And honestly, all I really feel like doing is crying. But that would do nothing but make my headache even worse. So I'm really trying not to.
Can it please just be fall break? Or better yet, summer? So I can sit in my room with my kitty and not have to worry about anything else. I don't have to hide it from my kitty if I cry. She doesn't care. And she won't ask questions. One thing about college that I'm not a fan of is that you don't really get privacy as much as you'd like. Not even in the bathroom. Yeah.
I'm tired of college. And school. And everything. I miss my friends. I never even have much time to talk to anyone anymore. It's all band and class and all that.
Speaking of band...we have a game tomorrow. Which I'm not looking forward to. AT ALL. I wasn't able to pass off my work for the first song of our second show today, cause I suck.
So I have to go early tomorrow to try again. Yay.
There has been so much guard drama going on. I'm SO sick of it. We're supposed to be a family, but a lot of people have been going around talking about other guard members behind their backs, saying mean, hurtful things. It makes me wonder what they say about me... Some girls have even been saying crap to other members to their face. That is not the way you treat other people. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." If everyone followed that, then some people sure wouldn't be saying much at all.
I've realized that all of my blogs are just full of scattered thoughts. I'm not good at organizing my thoughts when I have a lot on my mind or when I'm upset, which is usually when I blog. Maybe sometime soon I'll start blogging about things that might actually be worth reading. Something other than my whining and complaining. I've been doing that a lot lately. But...I just haven't really had much to be happy about. And I might be losing the one person that really makes me happy. If I do...I'll just be a blob of negativity and unhappiness and "I don't really care"-ness. And then nobody will like me or want to talk to me. And then I'll literally have nobody. I already feel like I don't have very many people here anyway. I've got Jordan, and Sam. And that's it. Wow. I'm freaking lame.
My mom tells me that I walk around with a frown on my face all the time. She says if I don't seem so unhappy or angry or whatever, then I'll be more approachable and people will be more likely to talk to me. FALSE. I try to be friendly to people and I try to make myself approachable. But it doesn't work with me. And even if someone talks to me, they probably won't remember me in a few days. There's nothing about me that is memorable. I'm just pretty insignificant, and not worth remembering, I guess.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss high school. Not the whole having 7 classes a day, starting super early, every day of the week thing. But I miss having easy classes that I didn't really have to study for. I miss having my group of friends and not having to worry about making new friends. I miss how laid back and fun high school band is. I miss getting to go home every day and see my kitty and my family. Having teachers who know your name. Not having to pay for books. And not having stupid games on weekends. And getting to sit down during football games. And having 3rd quarter off.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. That is how I feel right now. I kind of just want to crawl in a hole right now. Everyone has these days, I guess. I would say maybe tomorrow will be better. But just having that game ruins that day already.
Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike stupid people who are really loud outside my window or in my dorm at night? Well...I don't like those people. At all.
I guess I should try to sleep. Since I'm not posting this on my facebook, I doubt anyone will read it. But that's ok. I was typing this to vent...to be negative, and not have to bring anyone else down with me. Yeah...
FIN.
Can it please just be fall break? Or better yet, summer? So I can sit in my room with my kitty and not have to worry about anything else. I don't have to hide it from my kitty if I cry. She doesn't care. And she won't ask questions. One thing about college that I'm not a fan of is that you don't really get privacy as much as you'd like. Not even in the bathroom. Yeah.
I'm tired of college. And school. And everything. I miss my friends. I never even have much time to talk to anyone anymore. It's all band and class and all that.
Speaking of band...we have a game tomorrow. Which I'm not looking forward to. AT ALL. I wasn't able to pass off my work for the first song of our second show today, cause I suck.
So I have to go early tomorrow to try again. Yay.
There has been so much guard drama going on. I'm SO sick of it. We're supposed to be a family, but a lot of people have been going around talking about other guard members behind their backs, saying mean, hurtful things. It makes me wonder what they say about me... Some girls have even been saying crap to other members to their face. That is not the way you treat other people. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." If everyone followed that, then some people sure wouldn't be saying much at all.
I've realized that all of my blogs are just full of scattered thoughts. I'm not good at organizing my thoughts when I have a lot on my mind or when I'm upset, which is usually when I blog. Maybe sometime soon I'll start blogging about things that might actually be worth reading. Something other than my whining and complaining. I've been doing that a lot lately. But...I just haven't really had much to be happy about. And I might be losing the one person that really makes me happy. If I do...I'll just be a blob of negativity and unhappiness and "I don't really care"-ness. And then nobody will like me or want to talk to me. And then I'll literally have nobody. I already feel like I don't have very many people here anyway. I've got Jordan, and Sam. And that's it. Wow. I'm freaking lame.
My mom tells me that I walk around with a frown on my face all the time. She says if I don't seem so unhappy or angry or whatever, then I'll be more approachable and people will be more likely to talk to me. FALSE. I try to be friendly to people and I try to make myself approachable. But it doesn't work with me. And even if someone talks to me, they probably won't remember me in a few days. There's nothing about me that is memorable. I'm just pretty insignificant, and not worth remembering, I guess.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss high school. Not the whole having 7 classes a day, starting super early, every day of the week thing. But I miss having easy classes that I didn't really have to study for. I miss having my group of friends and not having to worry about making new friends. I miss how laid back and fun high school band is. I miss getting to go home every day and see my kitty and my family. Having teachers who know your name. Not having to pay for books. And not having stupid games on weekends. And getting to sit down during football games. And having 3rd quarter off.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. That is how I feel right now. I kind of just want to crawl in a hole right now. Everyone has these days, I guess. I would say maybe tomorrow will be better. But just having that game ruins that day already.
Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike stupid people who are really loud outside my window or in my dorm at night? Well...I don't like those people. At all.
I guess I should try to sleep. Since I'm not posting this on my facebook, I doubt anyone will read it. But that's ok. I was typing this to vent...to be negative, and not have to bring anyone else down with me. Yeah...
FIN.
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