Well, I'm done at UCA, and my final grades came out. Basically, they sucked. And my GPA went down a lot. Never have I felt like such a failure. I have never come so close to just...giving up. I've given up on my goal of becoming a dentist. There's no way I'd get accepted to dental school. And I'm not going to waste 3 more years of school, just to set myself up for failure. I'm one of those people that, if I know I can't do something, I most likely won't try. For me, it's success, or failure. There is no in between. And I've already ruined my chances of success in whatever future I may have had as a dentist. So I don't even see the point.
Everything pretty much came tumbling down on top of me. My GPA, my attendance at UCA, my hopes and dreams and goals for my future. Pretty much everything that was important to me. And now I'm buried in this mess. In all of this...this failure. And now all there is for me to do is to try to overcome this. Dig myself out of this mess. Set some new goals. Something else to work for. Find new motivation to drive me. That's harder than it sounds though. This has been the biggest dream I've had. I didn't care about anything else, other than becoming a dentist. And now that that's gone, I have to start all over. I always have a plan. I like to know where things are going, so I can always be prepared. And not knowing is really hard for me.
I have an idea though. Before my dream of being a dentist, I wanted to be a zoologist and study animals. That's the only other thing that I've actually seriously considered for my future. So now, I'm hoping I can rebuild that dream. I plan on going to Beebe, and studying biological sciences. I fully intend on kicking ass there, so that once I have my Associates degree from there, I can transfer to UF (go Gators), and get my Bachelors in either Zoology or Wildlife Ecology and Conservation. Maybe I could even have one as a major and one as a minor. After that I could go to work in a zoo, or find another career having to do with wildlife. And maybe, after a while, I could go to graduate school, so I could be qualified to do research. That would give me a chance to travel. Or maybe I could become a large animal vet.
Really, I don't know exactly what I'm going to do, which is weird for me. I guess I'll figure it out as I go. The important thing is that I don't give up, and I do something with my life. And, with the path I'm choosing to take now, maybe I'll be happier than if I stuck with the whole dentistry thing. I get along with animals much better than I get along with people. Maybe everything that is happening is just a test of my strength, or part of a bigger plan. I really don't know. But I don't plan on letting it get the best of me. I will make something of myself, and give my family a reason to be proud of me.
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