Whackjob.

It's one in the morning and I should be trying to sleep. I got off work an hour ago, and I have to wake up at 7:30 in the morning for class. But I NEED to write. Right now. It's been so long.

I quit the vet tech program. I feel like it was a waste of my time and money. But I'm still in school. Considering nursing now. I'd be a neonatal nurse if I were to pursue that career field.

Still working at the animal hospital, and still loving it. Learning something new every day. Also met a guy at work. Austin. We started dating in October, and now we're officially together. We're not telling our co-workers. They'd be all immature and stuff, and try to pry into our business. Which he doesn't want to deal with, and I'm fine with that. He's wonderful though. Hopefully different than the douchebags I've been involved with in the past. I'm finally letting someone get close to me, and that's incredibly hard for me. But he's worth it, so I'm trying my best. I just hope he really is different, and I don't end up getting hurt.

Although I'm super happy about Austin and I, I'm just....sad. I hate depression. I hate being depressed. I hate that I can't go a single day without having at least one of those bad thoughts that seem to consume my mind. I'm on medication. Two different anti-depressants, and then an anxiety med that I only take as needed. I've been having to take that one more often lately.

Even on medication, it doesn't stop. It was working so well, and now...now I'm not sure. Happy one minute, depressed the next. And being depressed is different than being sad. It's worse. I hate it. I hate the thought of having to live like this forever. Of never being able to go a day without feeling like this. And that just depresses me even further. And other than medication, there's nothing I can do about it. That's the worst part. I have breakdowns out of nowhere. For no reason. Tonight on my drive home after work, I started having bad thoughts and I started crying. I don't even know why. The smallest things will set me off.

I should talk to someone. Go to counseling again. I know I need to. There's just so much though. And it's so hard to explain. And talking isn't going to be able to fix me. I wish it were that simple. Maybe I'll take that step though. Because it's not like I can just talk to family or friends about this. They don't understand. My parents would insist on getting me help or whatever. And friends don't want to hear about super serious stuff like that.

So I write. That's all I can do right now. Write, and sleep.

I guess it's been a few months since my last post. I haven't really had time to write lately though. I've been so busy. School and work are consuming my life. But I'm actually okay with that.

So I've started school at ASU Beebe, and I'm in the Veterinary Technology program. FINALLY, after a year of not being in school, I'm back on track. I think that year off was good for me though, because it gave me time to figure out what I wanted to do, to grow up a little, and to get my priorities straight. And now I love school. I look forward to going to class every day and learning, unlike high school where I only showed up half the time (yet I still graduated with an honors sash, two cords, and a medallion...so I guess it wasn't that important for me to be there.)

I also got a new job. I'm actually already doing what I'm going to school for. Weird, yeah? But I was sitting in the break room at Walgreen's one day, browsing through the classifieds in the newspaper... and I saw an advertisement for someone looking for help in a veterinary clinic. I took a chance and applied, and now I'm officially an employee at After Hours Animal Hospital. This really is an awesome opportunity for me, considering there aren't many jobs in the animal health care field that have hours convenient for someone who is in school during the day. So I got really lucky there. Not to mention, I love it there. I love being in the clinical setting again, and working with animals. That truly is my passion. I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else. The whole putting down animals part is kind of hard, but it's getting a little easier. It'll always be sad, and I'll always wish I could save every animal, but hopefully at some point it won't affect me so much.

My baby brother marched his first parade today. I was so proud of him. Seeing the bands march by made me really nostalgic though. I miss band and color guard so much. I miss performing. Band and guard are probably the only things I miss from high school and UCA. Besides my friends, of course.

It's sleep time for me. I've got work tomorrow at noon.

The End. :)

And that's what's up.

Ohhhmygosh this whole getting back into school thing is more complicated than it was when I first applied for college. Blahblahblah. Why can't I just show up to class one day and that be it? Life would be so much easier. At least I decided what I want to do. That's always a plus. Here's what's gonna go down:

I'm going to take a few classes spring semester 2013 at Beebe.
I'll start the two year vet tech program at Beebe in fall 2013.
I'll get my vet tech certification, then work as a vet tech during my last year of undergrad school.
I'll hopefully then be able to go to vet school. I might have to take a few extra semesters to boost my GPA, but I'll get there.

I decided to go vet because I think that's really what I'm meant to do. Yeah, the dentist thing would have been awesome, but to be honest, I like animals a whooooole lot more than I like people. Like...I really don't like people. But I lovelovelove animals. And I've worked in a vet clinic, so I know what comes along with it. It's not just cute puppies and cuddley kittens. It's FARRR from that. Haha. Trying hissing kitties and 200 pound dogs that want to eat your face and have to be sedated just for a bath... And try secreting a dog's anal glands, or draining an infected abscess that's as big as a fist. It's grossss. Not to mention it smells horrible. But I can handle it. I don't have a weak stomach.

So I got a tattoo. And a haircut. I'm like, a whole new person. Not really.

My tattoo, that I LOVE. <3 Buddy and Clyde.

My hair. Is gone. I almost cried. But isn't it cuteee?

In case you were wondering, my tattoo is right above my ankle on my right leg. That picture is when it was still really new, and a little bloody. But it's healing up really well (it's about 2 1/2 weeks old). I love it. And it has so much meaning to me, which makes it really special.

I got my hair cut because it was sooo damaged where I burnt it last December. It never healed, even though I had gotten it cut twice after that. Like, it got to the point where I couldn't even brush it on my own. So it had to go. I decided to just cut it all off and start over with fresh, healthy hair.

Guys are douchebags. I hate them all. Like, seriously.
Besides the males in my family. Especially my baby brother. He's a good little boy. We went shopping yesterday once he got home from school, and I bought him some clothes. He looks so nice when I pick out his clothes. Of course. ;)

Speaking of yesterday, I voted for the first time! And although (unfortunately) pretty much every single freaking government position in Arkansas was filled by a Republican, I'm so glad that Obama won. Romney was just a woman-hating, gay-hating, too conservative, close-minded, rich person loving....blah. I really didn't like him. It's sad when you're legitly afraid of what the country would turn into if a certain candidate won. And I live in a state that is populated by mainly Republicans/old people, so chances weren't likely that Obama would get Arkansas's electoral votes. But that doesn't matter. Because he won anyway. Suck it, all you Arkansas Republicans. Just voicing my opinion. And if you take offense, I'm sorry. But you're entitled to your opinions, as I am to mine.

Bobo's birthday is in about a week and a half. I took off that whole weekend. And I get paid the day before his birthday, so that's good. It means he might get something super cool. Maybe another shopping trip, and he can pick out what he wants? Maybe. :P

I've decided to move to New Mexico. I'm not sure when that will happen. But it will happen. Believe me. Then again, I say that about a lot of things. And they never happen. But alas, I still have hope. I'd love to get to know my hometown better, as well as my grandparents who live there.

Anyway, I've said enough in this blog. I should go to sleep soon. Goodnight, all. :) But first, some pictures for your enjoyment (if you enjoy looking at me and my puppies). :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let's Make a Change!

Alright, I'm going to start this post off by saying that sometimes it sucks being a woman. Like...a lot.

Ok. Done with that. Now, I'll get to the point of this post...Being green! I've always cared about the environment, and animals. I've always made an effort to buy organic products. More recently, in addition to buying organic products, I've become a huge advocate of buying products that are not tested on animals. I know that sometimes this is impossible, like when it comes to medicines and all that, but there is a lot that you can do.

NUMBER ONE. Get educated.
First thing is first, you need to decide what issues are important to you. To do this you need to do your research. But once you decide what issues you care about, you'll be able to take it to the next step.

NUMBER TWO. Decide what actions you're willing to take.
Although people may care about a cause, sometimes they aren't willing to sacrifice certain things to make a change. For example, after looking up information about animal testing, I found that many of the products that I use often come from companies that test on animals or use animal byproducts. If this is an issue you care about, you have to decide if you're willing to stop using those products. Cost is also a big factor. Organic products usually cost more than those that are not organic. This applies to pretty much everything, from food to beauty products. There are smaller steps you can take though. Things as simple as recycling, or taking shorter showers. You just have to decide.

NUMBER THREE. Start making changes.
Change isn't easy. So don't try to jump head-first into everything. If you do that, then you're not likely to keep up with everything, and you'll fall back into your old ways. For example, you could start by recycling. Right now, you're in the habit of throwing that milk jug away, tossing that magazine when you're done reading it, or chunking all those beer bottles left in your house after that crazy party. Well, these things go to the dump. And they stay there for a very, very long time. Some of those things will probably still be in the landfill when you die. So, put a recycling bin next to where your trashcan is. That way, you'll see it, and next time you go to toss that soda bottle, you'll be reminded to recycle it instead. Before you know it, recycling will just become habit. Then you can focus on making even more positive changes!

You can make a list of things that you want to do to make a difference. Here's some of mine:

• Buy a lunch box and take lunch instead of wasting gas to go get food every day.
• Invest in reusable napkins for at home, instead of paper towels.
• Try to use products that are organic.
• Start using all of the reusable grocery bags that we always forget we have.
• Instead of buying bottled drinks, buy a reusable (BPA free) water bottle.
• Compost our food wastes.
• Begin to phase out the use of products that are tested on animals and replace them with those that are not.
• Go vegetarian.

Feel free to steal any of my ideas. :) Now it's time for a "did you know" session.

DID YOU KNOW?  Mars candy company, the makers of Snickers, Twix, M&M's, and more, conducts cruel animal testing that isn't even required by law? Mars recently funded a deadly experiment on rats to determine the effects of chocolate ingredients on their blood vessels. Experimenters force-fed the rats by shoving plastic tubes down their throats and then cut open the rats' legs to expose an artery, which was clamped shut to block blood flow. After the experiment, the animals were killed. This isn't the only experiment they have done on animals. You should totally watch this video. (If music is still playing, scroll all the way down to pause it.)

 

Think about it...is that Snickers bar really worth it? Think about grabbing a Hershey's bar instead. They have pledged not to conduct any animal testing.

DID YOU KNOW?  Recycling really does make a difference. Here's a cool picture with some facts:

Now isn't that a cool little fact sheet? (Poor little sea creatures.)

DID YOU KNOW?  That just because a product is labeled "Natural" doesn't mean it's organic? When it comes to foods, the word "organic" refers to the way farmers grow and process agricultural products. This includes everything from fruits and veggies, to meat and dairy products. Organic farming practices are designed to encourage soil and water conservation and reduce pollution. Basically, organic foods are just more earth-friendly, and they don't contain the preservatives and stuff like conventionally grown foods. However, it isn't proven to be more healthier. Still, I don't want to be eating all those preservatives.

Well, hopefully you just learned something. And hopefully I've gotten you thinking. Here's a few websites and stuff you can check out to get more educated!

Recyclebank is a cool website that teaches you about being environmentally friendly by giving you lots of different facts and stuff. It allows you to gain points by doing different activities and taking pledges, and you can use these points towards rewards, such as discounts and coupons.

If you're interested in the animal testing issues, PETA has a really educational page explaining the problems, and how we can prevent it. To get there, click here. If you just want to get to their lists of companies that do and don't test on animals click here.

Organic.org talks all about organic foods, and the benefits of it. It tells you what you need to know about organic foods, from what the USDA Organic label means, to planning a budget for organic food and finding where to buy it (usually it can be found in your local grocery store, but there are also specialty stores).

I just think these Vapur water bottles are cool, and thought I'd share the link. :)

Well...I hope this post gets some of you thinking. It doesn't take a lot to make a change, and if every person took the steps to make a few minor changes, think of the difference that would make in the world!

Oh, I still have a blog?

Man, it's been a while. I've been itching to write a new post for a while now, so here I am. :)

Since my last post:

*I've been employed as a Beauty Advisor at Walgreen's (which really isn't that fabulous), and it seems like I've been working allllll the time. I like it, and I like getting a paycheck, but I wish there was just a few more hours in the day, so I could do something other than sleep and work. Like...work out! Because I totally need it. But...as soon as I get the tires rotated on the Jeep, and I get it tuned up, I'm going to start taking belly dancing lessons! It's something I've wanted to do for a while, since I saw the dance company perform at Riverfest a few years ago. And now that I have a vehicle to use and money to pay for the lessons, I'm going to actually do it. I'm super duper excited. :)

*I've turned 19. It's not really very exciting, to be honest. I don't feel any different. BUT...I'm now only two years away from 21! Not like that's ever really made a difference when it comes to anything... But I'll be able to go clubbing. Yay! Plus, my family is totally taking me to Vegas for my 21st. That's something to look forward to. :)

*I still haven't decided what I want to do. The whole Air Force thing is still in the back of my head. But I've also thought about going to culinary school, going to Beebe to become either an RN or a vet tech, or going to school where ever to become a fitness trainer. Decisions, decisions. But I want to decide before I go back to school, so I don't waste money on pointless classes for no reason.

But yeah, that's what's been up. Halloween is coming up next month though, and I'm going to start some crafts that I found in magazines and online to get ready to decorate when it gets to be time for all that. I plan on geting really crafty for the holidays this year. I'm already looking at DIY Christmas gift ideas and recipes and such. Because I have nothing better to do with my time. But I like stuff like that, so it's ok. :)

Anyway, I'm tired. I closed last night, then opened this morning. I only got 4 hours of sleep, so I'm super sleepy. I'll definitely try to post more often again. :)

<3